Making overly hard judgments about yourself isn’t productive
By Dr. Matthew Lapp, Columnist, The Times
As another year end quickly approaches, this is a great time to take a moment away from the rush of the holidays and reflect on the past year.
Many of us started the year with resolutions, goals, and intentions about how 2013 would unfold. For some people, life may have happened exactly as expected or turned out even better; but for the majority of us, there were bumps in the road, setbacks, and assorted adversities that challenged us along the way. In either case, now is the time to “check in” and evaluate how our expectations and beliefs shape our reality.
When we compare “reality,” or what is true, to what our expectations were or are, it’s easy to attach meaning to or make judgements about events or circumstances. For example, if you set a goal to exercise more, eat healthier, and take better care of your health and instead you find yourself polishing off a tub of ice cream while watching TV nightly, it could be easy to make a less than friendly judgement about yourself. However, doing so doesn’t really help us to be better at achieving our goals in the future. Chances are, it just makes us feel worse in the present.
Beliefs about how life ‘“should” have gone often shape our current perception of reality, as well as our behavior and the agreements we make with ourselves and others. These beliefs help create stories about our relationships with others, our careers, and ourselves. In addition, these beliefs can limit us and hinder our ability to connect with who we are and what is of true value in our life.
Instead, by critically evaluating what is working in our lives, we allow ourselves to discover our own recipe for success. In doing so, we may be able to recreate that recipe in other areas of our lives. For example, thinking back on the past year, when were the times that you felt happiest, healthiest, and most vibrant? What circumstances did you create in your life to allow for that to occur? Did you take an action? Did you change your mindset? Maybe you made an agreement with yourself or someone else that you felt compelled to uphold? Whatever the circumstances were, if we’re able to recognize those components of a successful plan of action, we can recreate and use that knowledge to influence our lives in a positive way.
The key point to remember when we’re evaluating our life is that it’s especially important to do so without judgement of ourselves and others. We can all be guilty of comparing our lives to others’ lives or to how we think life should be. However, the truth is that it is not about what happened, it is about how we respond to what happened. In that respect, the power is always in our hands.
As we prepare to move into another year and make plans for the future, it may be helpful to think of life in terms of areas that need to reorganize or change, rather than areas of life that are broken or need to be “fixed.” (A hint to know which areas need to change are those that bring you pain, drain your energy, or create dis-ease in your life.) In truth, nothing in life is ever broken per se.
Instead, wherever we find ourselves is as a result of choices we made leading up to our current state. Therefore, we can take solace in knowing that the choices we make now and in the future can ultimately create completely different life circumstances. If we’re able to be honest with ourselves without attaching meaning and judgement, then we’ll also be able to create a clear path for success in the future.
Drs. Allison and Matthew Lapp are the owners of Salus Chiropractic Studio in Thorndale. For more tips on living a health, happy life, visit them on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/SalusChiropracticStudio
