By Nancy Plummer, Columnist, The Times
Ok, men, aren’t you frustrated that you haven’t been successful in finding the woman of your dreams yet on Match.com? Admit it, you know you are at least an 8, you make a good salary, you are successful and have no baggage. So what’s not working for you? I’ll tell you plain and simple – it’s not you; it’s your process.
Below are the most common mistakes I see men making on Match.com and some simple solutions.
- Your pictures are boring and outdated.
Or perhaps you have too few – meaning less than 7. Or, the worse crime of all, you uploaded a selfie of you in a bathroom.
Men, please let go of your ego and hire a professional to take a few pictures of you in a suit or at least a suit jacket with some fitted jeans and nice shoes. Get your friend or even the professional, to get some pictures of your doing your favorite activities – preferably both inside and outside. Women will get a sense of your fun environments, such as a fun mid-shot of you cooking in your (clean) kitchen, or pictures of you biking, skiing, sailing, canoeing, or hanging out with friends at a concert.
Tip: Keep other women out of your pictures, even if you crop them out.
- Your written profile is too short or poorly written.
Women do want to read and get to know the uniqueness and genuine side of you! They care about spelling and grammar. They really do want to know if you prefer lakes or beaches, blondes or brunettes, wine or beer, a night on the town or a night watching TV, your religious beliefs, and yes, whether your kids live with you or not. What you shouldn’t write about is anything offensive or sexual. If you are looking for a serious relationship, don’t write that you especially prefer women who are in great shape or are sexy looking. That’s what the profile pictures are for. Remember, if you don’t appreciate the look of a woman who writes you, you just needn’t write her back.
Tip: If you do like a woman, write something romantic and email women with your phone number and ask for theirs, rather than becoming pen pals.
Again, if you are truly looking for your soul mate, take some time to really write about yourself and about the person you are looking for. It might seem overwhelming now, but the amount of time you’ll save yourself by eliminating the women you have no desire to meet will pay off handily. For instance, if you would love to find a woman who loves to ski, write your desires in your profile. You might even want to choose the word “ski” in your username so to attract women who are also looking for a ski buddy. I have found that the more a man writes, as long as the pros is well-written, the more women he attracts and of higher quality. So, please start writing!
- You don’t answer the questions correctly.
Invariably, most men don’t answer Match questions thoroughly; thus they do not get matched with good options. Too often we see men, with Masters degrees and higher, check off that they want a woman with a high school education, but don’t bother to check off graduate degree or PhD as well. So many of our new male clients come to us wondering why they aren’t matched with women who also have advanced degrees and that’s the reason. You need to check off every choice, not just the lowest denominator.
In addition, when it comes to answering questions such as “Last Read,” or “Hot Spots,” or “Favorite Things,” men tend to write very little.
Again, take the time to write specific places you love, and specific things you cherish. Don’t be afraid to add humor or get a little mushy or romantic; women dig it.
- Lastly, one of the biggest mistake we see at All About Connecting is that men fail to keep their word.
For instance, if you write a woman that you will call her at a certain time, then call her. Don’t be late to a date, don’t stand her up, don’t lie about your age, or how many times you’ve been married. Sure, many men lie about their height and age – hey, it’s a proven statistic – but, once you meet your date, stop the tall tales and be your best. Because, you really only get one chance to make a great impression.
Good luck!
