{"id":20005,"date":"2017-04-01T08:49:51","date_gmt":"2017-04-01T12:49:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/chescotimes.com\/?p=20005"},"modified":"2017-04-02T08:54:46","modified_gmt":"2017-04-02T12:54:46","slug":"after-156-years-im-no-longer-the-worst","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/?p=20005","title":{"rendered":"After 156 years, I’m no longer the worst"},"content":{"rendered":"

By James Buchanan<\/strong>, The 15th President of The United States<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/a>Whew. It\u2019s been a really long 156 years, but I have to say, but finally it feels pretty darn good.<\/span><\/p>\n

Although there have been so many enjoyable experiences in my post-life times \u2014 wherever you\u2019d call where I am, I don\u2019t know, but the Cosmopolitans are to die for, <\/em>so to speak\u00a0<\/em>\u2014 I\u2019m no longer stuck with the title \u201cWorst President Ever.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, I got my hopes up a lot of times: Andy Johnson made such a mess and then Warren Harding really looked promising until he got \u201csick\u201d and died. Jimmy Carter \u2014 who told him to wear that sweater? \u2014 ended up having some redeeming qualities. George W. Bush also seemed like a possibility with that war of his, but he helped old folks get drug coverage and that counts for something.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, there I was stuck \u2014 156 years and counting as worst President of the United States \u2014 and figured with Hillary getting elected, she wouldn\u2019t have been anything great (and Lord, the woman needs someone to dress her), but she wouldn\u2019t have moved me up in the rankings, either. <\/span><\/p>\n

And then \u2014 what none of us ever saw coming \u2014 you somehow elected Donald Trump.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lincoln hasn\u2019t said a word since election day, he just sits in the corner and shakes his head. Teddy Roosevelt wants to invade D.C. and \u201cslap some people around.\u201d Kennedy, on the other hand, when he\u2019s not, uh, occupied, thinks its the funniest thing ever. \u201cI saved them from the Cuban Missile Crisis and they elected that guy?\u201d as he blows cigar smoke everywhere.<\/span><\/p>\n

JFK has kind of a point. Goodness knows there were elections, even in my time, where you held your nose and voted. But \u2014 and the first couple of months bears this out \u2014 this guy makes me look OK, and I oversaw states leaving the union and the start of the Civil War. <\/span><\/p>\n

I may have been a overwhelmed by circumstance (hey, you try dealing with South Carolina, they were nuts then and frankly still are \u2014 why they didn\u2019t end up a penal colony after the Civil War is lost on me) but what we\u2019re seeing now is a whole order worse.<\/span><\/p>\n

And in fairness, I did come from Pennsylvania \u2014 the only president to do so \u2014 and all you have to do is look at your current state legislature (Scott Wagner\u2019s claim about the Earth moving closer to the sun is just the latest run to the crazy side of town \u2014 let\u2019s face it, Pennsylvania\u2019s best and brightest don\u2019t go into politics, they leave the state as quickly as possible) to know what a handicap that can be.<\/span><\/p>\n

And even with my flaws \u2014 and remember, South Carolina, not my fault \u2014 I always acted like a grown up and with a bit of decorum. God knows I even dressed better than that Trump guy \u2014 suits that look like they were designed by Hefty and Scotch Tape on the tie? Unbelievable.<\/span><\/p>\n

On policy, I don\u2019t even know where to begin with this new guy. <\/span><\/p>\n

But I am really, really thankful. For not being the worst, any more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Editor\u2019s Note:<\/strong> James Buchanan remains dead since 1868 and as such, likely didn\u2019t write this. But he would like to wish you a Happy April Fools\u2019 Day.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By James Buchanan, The 15th President of The United States Whew. It\u2019s been a really long 156 years, but I have to say, but finally it feels pretty darn good. Although there have been so many enjoyable experiences in my post-life times \u2014 wherever you\u2019d call where I am, I don\u2019t know, but the Cosmopolitans […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":20007,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[8815,6722,8814,8816,3037],"class_list":["post-20005","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-opinion","tag-america","tag-donald-trump","tag-james-buchana","tag-presidents","tag-the-civil-war"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20005","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=20005"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20005\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20006,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/20005\/revisions\/20006"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/20007"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=20005"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=20005"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chescotimes.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=20005"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}